I live in CA. I have primary custody of my son who will be 11 in Oct. Father has visitation. Father currently has off track time with year round school.
I am changing his school to a charter home study school along with my other 2 children (with my husband). Therefore we now have a 12 week summer period instead of 4 weeks every 3 months. Father says he does not agree to the change of schools and wants our son for summer beginning in June.
We havent been to court in 2 years and have a mess of orders since he was 2 years old. (like 10 documents, stips and orders, some we dont use, some we do) So he is threatening me by saying he is going to court to change custody, numerous times and that he will take him away from me.
I am trying to change Venue from old county, to my new county, as he doesnt live in that county anymore either. So, I am worried about giving my son to him for his next weekend in June, since he would just keep him now for the month straight and he has already had him February for a month.
My son desperately wants to split vacation so he can have friendships and time here too. He says if I withold visitation for his weekend he will ask the court to give him custody, but if I give him to him for his weekend, he will keep him, while he is not in school for up to 12 weeks, even though we alternate weekends, this could go on all summer, with police involved possibly. I have been representing myself in pro per for 80% of our 9 yrs in court. Cant afford an attorney. Alreeady borrowed money from family in past. No results =waste of money.
Questions...1. what do I do to change venue? how possible is court to grant this is neither of us is in county. (he will lie and say he has mailing address in county where his mom lives, but I will ask him to prove with lease)
2.What do I do about next weekend since the school schedule has changed?
I asked to get something in writing saying he would bring him back or we can share the month every 2 weeks, but he says he is not signing anything.
3. How likely is it that I will be able to change my sons school from public to public charter that is similar to homeschooling but has teacher assigned and monitoring him every 20 days, along with his siblings?
3. What of the below information on our case should I focus on for the judge? What can I do to get more than 5 minutes with the judge?

Mothers Info.......
Stay at home mom since our son was 2.
Never married to father
son or mom Never lived with father
Happily Married now for 8 yrs to stable great guy
Have 3 more children with my husband, 2 yrs, 5 yrs, 7 yrs old.
Have nice big house and yard in safest city in county of riverside, CA
have lived in same city and neighborhood for 4 yrs.
we moved 43 miles away 4 yrs ago and that is why judge gave him summer even though it didnt effect visitation at all!
Son wants to live with mom and have split summers
Mom involved in ALL educational decisions, spend time with homework, active at school events, teachers all me, chaperone field trips, attends all conferences, back to school, open house, never missed a thing in all years of school.
Sons teachers support my decision to homeschool/public charter school because of his ADHD or learning style and troubles in traditional settings.
I have 8 teachers who will write declarations in support of me and his learning styles and how he would benefit. (3 of them were his 2, 3, 4th)
I have 4 doctors, psychologist, psychiatrist, clinical social worker and pediatrician to attest to him having ADHD and how he would benefit from the learning environment he has at home.
I have like 30 people I can get from community members to say I am active in their lives, in the community, my character, what kind of mom I am.
We attend Church weekly, I coached AYSO soccer, volunteer at school, moms club group, volunteering etc.
We are a picture perfect family of 6, I dont drink, smoke, party, I spend all my time with my kids and everyone I know says how great of a mom I am.
We have stable home and would like to homeschool our kids to improve learning and education and foster high moral character.
Our son was diagnosed with ADHD and I have adhd as well so i help him alot with his struggles and help him focus in school. He is in GATE and gets A's, mostly B's and a C this past year.
I have nothing to hide, we are an ideal family that we are lucky to be blessed with.

Father
*Never married, living with 3rd girlfriend in 6 yrs.
*I just found out he has another child, after 2 years that he hid this from me. (should I find this girl and have her testify to what kind of dad he is)
Child support --was the clue, I found out and confronted him.
He has said he wants nothing to do with this other child, says he doesnt even know the mom (one night stand) doesnt know anything about the kid.
And has not been paying support for child, im sure owes arrears.
He owes me 31,800 in child support as of today.
Hasnt paid in 2 months anything... order is 1300.00 he paid me about 250 our of unemployment for about 6 months before that.
Has been unemployed for a year, but parking cars under the table. (have witnesses) Now that he is not on unemployment, he says he has a job now.
Has had about 5 jobs in past 5 years and been unemployed for about 2 of those years.
Lives in unsafe city in LA County, not east LA but not the nicest place either.
Is financially broke, girlfriend must be supporting him.
Just found out that he has a DUI on his record, in 2001. I never knew about this and seems that he had liscense suspended but he must have been driving our son during this time since we alternate weekends.
He kept this from me of course and was on probation for 3 years!
I found court records.
Speeding ticket over 65 in 2007.
Smoking in car with son
Lived with his mom til he was 30.
Mocks my christianity by calling it a cult when I say I want to raise our son with moral and christian values.
Constantly tells me he is going to take our son away from me and tells our son that he is going to try to get him to live with him.
They interrogate our son to see what we are doing here to try and find some ammunition to take him away, but we are a great family!
Very good liar, so in court he comes across genuine and caring.
Never been involved in education, except for asking for his report card, he has been to 2 parent conferences in 5 years. Never gone to open house, back to school night, no contact with teachers, school. Never attends award shows, performances. He says we are too far away. (1 -1 1/2 hours) 70 miles from his house.
Calls our son on average 1-2 times a month.
Has alternate weekends and holidays and summer weeks, except I have 1.
He has 30% visitation right now.
He was given wednesday nights from 6-9 but he has not came down to see him on a wed in at least 2 years.
Drops our son off at his mom and dads one night a weekend. cause he has to work nights or party.
Does not believe our son has ADHD and refuses to acknowledge this even though I have given him information and told him his pediatrician diagnosed him with this years ago, although he is not on any medication.
Wants to take our son away from his 3 siblings where he has lived for 11 years with no basis whatsoever and thinks that he will be fine with it!! He thinks our son would adjust fine? ??? (not thinking about the torture my other 3 kids would feel losing their brother)

When I try to talk to him calmly, writing out parenting plan options, he doesnt read or calls me to yell and say he isnt doing what I want.
He fights me just to create stress it seems, just to avoid me making any decisions, he is a terrible role model for our son, yet he thinks he would be better off with his family (meaning his mom and dad, who adore thier only grandson and would love to have him live with them)

OK>>> Advice PLEASE!!! I cant see any judge in his right mind taking a child out of a stable home for 11 years and give him to an unemployed bachelor dad with a criminal record and single and abandoned another child.
But I have been in front of judges that have told me that if I argue with them, they will give the father custody (when I said 10 pm was too later a return time for our 5 year old son on a SCHOOL NIGHT!!)

Any advice at all would be great. I want to bring out the big guns, what else can I do to find out what he has been keeping from me besides, DUI, liscense restrictions, other child, etc. and how to show a judge who he really is not what he says in court about what a great dad he is.

Thanks

Devoted Mom to all my babies...
sorry so long.

While I can't speak for the specific laws of California, you may want to try asking the court for a mediator. Mediators are, often times, a retired judge or someone who has extensive experience in the system, understands the laws and rights of each party, and can guide the both of you to a fair settlement.

Sometimes the mediator is appointed by the court and is free, and sometimes if there is a fee, you and your ex-husband have to split the costs. So, unlike an attorney, the mediator costs less and is working to come to a reasonable arrangement that is within the law and considers the feelings of your son.

Best of Luck! And lest us know how it works out.

__________________
For help and advice with your divorce, custody or visitation issues, you can visit the Minnesota Divorce Attorneys.

Wow Im sorry to hear all this all though I do not have any information to give you to help you I lust want to Wish You The Best Of Luck in this situation